Transgender Goals and Gifts

Huge step for me!

My mom called me up to ask what I wanted for Christmas... I told her that I could really use some new work clothes... then she asked me what size I was...

I old her that I'm a women's size XS, size 4 or Junior's size 3... those are the sizes that fit me PERFECTLY!

She faked surprise (those who follow the post may remember that she once caught me sneaking in to "borrow" her clothes and was horrified).

I reminded her that she used to buy girl's sizes when I was younger and she was all-of-a-sudden cool with it!

Let's go back: Supposedly she bought the girl sizes because she couldn't find the "boys sizes"... but truth be known... she always really wanted another daughter to dress up and make pretty... (something she did admit to me once).

Let's go back a bit more: When I was very young, she sensed that I thought I was a girl and knew that I loved girlie things... so she happily let me dress in girlie outfits and even wear her wigs... until my homophobic farther put an end to that. He exploded his towards her and "forced me to be a man". After that, she was was afraid to think of me as anything but a boy... thus the problems with me "coming out" to her. (Nonetheless, she did occasionally buy girlie things for me... which made us both very happy).

Coming back to present day:  My farther passed away this year... Between that and my new-found bravery... I thought it was time that Mom and I both come to grips with the fact that she does have another daughter! And yes... I do like to dress up and and feel pretty!

Win number 1: She now knows (for certain) that really only want and only wear girlie clothes!

Win number 2: I might finally get a presents that I actually like! 

My goal was duo-fold: Coming out to her (a bit more) and hopefully getting some really pretty outfits! 

My mom is the queen of shopping and has so many pretty and elegant outfits! I'd love it if she allowed herself to accept me as her "other daughter" again...  buying me pretty outfits... giving me her hand-me-downs (like she does with my sister)... and maybe even buying me some extremely fem stuff too! 

Screw getting socks and sweaters for Christmas! I want to start getting panties instead of socks and tunics instead of sweaters!

Once that happens... I'll break down in tears of happiness... finally knowing that she really does love me as I am.

Will it happen? I don't know... But Kudos to me for putting it out there (along with my true self) for her to digest. I've overcome my fears... it's time for her to overcome hers.

Side note: The pics to the right are me from a few days ago... adding to the +1's! The middle pic is me being brave enough to go out in the yard in a dress (Yes... I wore a dress outside again) with full make-up! The top and bottom pics were just prior to taking my dog out... again in full make-up... in full sight of my homophobic neighbors! The +1 boldness has led to huge steps my transition and has helped me to tell Mom what a girl really wants for Christmas!

Be you. Be Happy.

Dee

Transgender Goals - Plus 1 - Getting Braver

Plus 1 is really working well! I have to admit that I haven't stuck to it every day, but on the days I do, I've been so much braver!

I have lightened my hair and gone out in public (very fem with full makeup) almost every evening (much earlier than before). I was even brave enough to go out in full a-la-fem during the afternoon!

Granted it's only around my yard and neighborhood, but considering how homophobic my neighbors are... these are huge steps for me and are greatly aiding in building up my self-confidence.

My current goal is to be so self-confident, that I'll be able to go out full a-la-fem to a very public place -- a club, shopping, whatever -- before the end of the winter... without being paranoid! I'm almost there!

The next goal (after that ) is to become confident enough... that I won't ever feel paranoid about being the real me in public again. Wearing whatever... whenever... and where-ever... I want!

Sure I'll still get grief... but if I once I get to that point, the opinions of the homo-phoebes will be totally laughed off! I'm almost there with that too... considering that I no longer care about how much I've lost to become who I want to be -- who I need to be -- and knowing that what matters to me is remaining proud of who I am and following my goals.

Be You...
Be Brave...

Plus 1 - Transgender Goals

I recently decided that I'm going to take 1 new and brave action each day -- every day -- toward my goal. I list each one with a "+1" in my daily calendar (to make sure I stay with the program).

The rules: It must be something brave... something that I was afraid to do... and something that I've never done before.

The results: I've become so much braver... much more confident in being myself... and finally don't care (for the most part) about homo-phoebes.

The pictures to the right are from last night. It was really a Plus 6!

I always loved this jacket, but wearing a shiny pink jacket outside is a bit too fem... same with the tight, shiny leggings and sweater boots.

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this outfit! I dreamed for years of wearing this outfit outside the house. I even drew several pictures of me in this outfit -- just chillin' in my yard -- to inspire me to make it a reality... but I was never brave enough to wear it outside.

Last night I wore all 3 outside (+3)... in full view of my homophobic neighbors (+4)... in the early evening (+5) (I'm assuming the homo-phoebes were still awake).

Did they notice? I don't care (+6). I felt SO RELAXED and just sat in my yard, enjoying the crisp Fall evening. MAJOR victory to my goals and my self-esteem!

Does the "Plus 1" work? It's working unbelievably well for me.

Be brave. Be you.

D

Something Special - Transgender Issues and Acceptance

Nothing special about the look… I’m just wearing an old, unflattering outfit (bodysuit, tights, a plain skirt and an old fleece jacket) with no makeup.

What is special is the way I felt…

After a very long, hard day, I decided to slip into something a bit more feminine, go outside and TRY to unwind.

As I sat outside in the crisp fall air, for the first time in a long time, I felt so relaxed and so at peace. I know I’m not the prettiest girl… but in that moment… I felt like I was. Despite the hardships of the past and those that lie ahead… I was so glad to be me and THAT was something special. 

Side note: The clarity also allowed me to look back on recent hardships and look forward on upcoming challenges.  I'm realizing once again that hard challenges are made even harder when I force myself to not be myself. When I find the need to play the male role around co-workers, family and friends, I easily become frustrated and make bad decisions. This is starting to create new problems for me as well.

I need to expedite my plans for dropping all of the unwanted, falsely boyish things from my life... and get rid of the situations and people in my life that I feel are forcing me to comply with their ideals.

Transgender Transitions

So... Someone was curious how the physical progress was going....

Hormones:
Still going VERY slowly on the hormones (See the 5/12/13 post). It wasn't just the boob thing... I kind of like my... you know... so I decided that, for now, I really want to keep it. That being said, it was very scary to see it get smaller... so I still take "maintenance" doses to keep the hormones in check, but have reverted to other methods for my feminization.

Laser Hair Removal:
The laser hair removal has been going on for over a year, which is longer that I thought it would be, but overall, I'm glad I'm doing it. It's going great in some places, and not so great in others... which means that I've gone all summer without wearing shorts around friends and family (still "patchy" in some places).

Body Sculpting:
I've been on a new regiment of non hormonal body sculpting which has been working VERY well for me (if you want to know the particulars, please feel free to email me). I never wanted to look like Dolly Parton... I prefer to look like a healthy, athletic woman. I've re-sculpted my bum, legs and boobs and now am beginning to LOVE what I see in the mirror (not being cocky, just happy of the woman looking back at me). With a bit more work, I'll be at my goal. The pic to the right is NOT a padded bra... That's where they're at.

The bra thing is actually funny... There was a time when the first thing I did after getting home was to put on a bra and a pair of heels... but now that I have boobs, I prefer to go bra-less. I now LOVE how camisoles look and feel on me WITHOUT the bra.

Still paranoid about the over-tweezing thing though (which I just did AGAIN)... so hopefully I can find a compromise look for now that will keep me happy when I look in the mirror, but won't get me more grief at work..

I wish I could just go full out and be accepted... but that's just a fantasy... so I'll keep with the slow conversion until I meet my goals.

Stay strong and follow your goals...
Luv Dee

Transgender Roads

The past week has graced me with amazing piece-of-mind. I now refuse to stress out about what other people do... and don't do... I now refuse to stress out about what I can't accomplish... I'm just taking life on step at a time and focusing on MY happiness for once.

These are HUGE steps for me, because I've always been "Type A"... but by refusing stress and embracing my new philosophy, I'm finally empowered to be the REAL me.

A nice side effect happened a few nights ago. I decided to celebrate the coming fall by dressing in something that I NEVER would have worn outside a month ago (the left picture).

Yes the homophobic neighbor was creeping again, but I didn't let it phase me. I just sat looking at the stars enjoying my wine.
 
By 4 AM, I was feeling so empowered and so much braver that I traded the long skirt for a leather mini (the right picture) and went for a walk around the neighborhood... just because I wanted to.

In the days since, I've been going out in VERY feminine fashions... both day and night... without too much thought of what others may say.