Transgender Family and Work Issues

It’s been 10 days since I received my lovely, thoughtful, Christmas present from job # 2... my Layoff Notice. Today, at the same job (a nursing home), most of the dementia and Alzheimer’s patients were more of a challenge than usual… and some were downright mean (it happens on bad weather days)… then I find out that the same job just hired ANOTHER PERSON... from OUTSIDE THE COMPANY -- who was far less qualified than me -- to fill a good position... that I previously applied for. (I was told by a fellow employee that the reason was that I didn't fit the "company image" (read between the lines here). Once again, I bit my tongue until I left work.

This is the SECOND TIME that this happened IN LESS THAN 6 MONTHS! I was REALLY pissed off and needed to vent to someone!

My mom totally ignored the news of my layoff and loss of the promotions as she was more concerned about trying to pry information from me about how my brother is doing… So I went to discuss it with another person, who I thought of as a close family member / friend. He rolled his eyes and quickly changed the subject. He obviously didn’t want to hear about my life falling apart.

I gracefully went through the motions of faking enthusiasm as he rambled on about his fantasy dreams about what he will do when he wins the lottery… as yet another part of my soul was ripped away and died.

I felt SO ALL ALONE… everything is falling apart… and no one cares. This was not self-pity… it was -- and is -- the reality of my life. I’ve always known that I’ve always been -- and always will be -- alone. But considering that I’m always EVERYBODY’S shoulder to cry on… I was hoping that... for once in my life... it was going to be reciprocated... but I was wrong.

As I drove home, I was literally screaming at myself in the car about how stupid I was -- and am -- being. “YOU ALREADY SAID THAT YOU DIDN'T WANT TO WORK FOR A COMPANY THAT WOULD LAY SOMEONE OFF ON CHRISTMAS EVE!”… “YOU KNEW NONE CARES ABOUT WHAT’S GOING ON WITH YOU SO WHY ARE YOU LETTING THIS BOTHER YOU?”

I’m at home now. 

I am -- for now -- over the anger… but I find my eyes overfilled from the tears that I’m now crying. The reality is… if I ever want to become truly happy… I need to walk away from the people that don’t appreciate the good will I’ve extended to them… especially if they refuse to reciprocate, when needed. I’ve known for a long time who -- and what -- I have to cut out of my life… but it still REALLY hurts to let go of the past. 

  

This butterfly has got to fly... far, far away.

Something I wish that I did a long time ago...