Finding Employment and Who Your True Friends are on Your Transgenger Journey

Well it's been a quick month since my last post... and a long, painful year since I lost my 2nd job.

I wasted a day going up to see my biggest web client which was a big mistake... as he was horrendously mean. Even though I've brought his company hundreds of thousands of dollars over the years, the first words out of his mouth were, "I want you to give me a thousand dollar refund!" He has been making huge mistakes with his company and is trying to squeeze the lost money from his vendors. Needles to say, I refused and lost the contract. Despite that and the lack of the second job, I somehow managed to pay my bills for the month.

The motivation of being back in school has also waned. As my professor is juggling 3 jobs, he seems to be less than motivated to be interactive during class and is not being clear on what our homework assignments are supposed to be... so I'm left to guess as far as what chapter I'm actually supposed to study next. Combine that with me not being able to retain everything I'm studying and you can see why I'm less than optimistic about the time, effort and money that I sank into this course.

On a good note, Today I went on through quickest (and probably the best) interview process that I've ever been through and was hired on the spot (pending a drug test and records check). I usually hate interviews and suck at them but today went well. The money isn't great, but the schedule is perfect, it will get me out of the house, and it will also help me to pay the mortgage.

As it has been one year of hell... I'm starting to look back on it and realize once again that the few people that I actually confided in... the few people who could have helped... the few people that I reached out to because I know that they could have gotten me a job... well... they didn't seem to really care a whole hell of a lot. They were too tied up in their own issues and also didn't want to look bad by recommending me to a company for employment in my depressed state. Once again, I found out that the only person that I can count on is me.

I'll use that as a motivational force as I move on. I will use that to inspire me to find a new community and group of friends who really do care... who are willing to reciprocate the love and empathy that I give towards them.

I'm (hopefully) back on track...
Step 1: Pay the Bills & Continue My Transition
Step 2: Plan & Move Somewhere that is Trans Friendly 
Step 3: Legally Change My Name (and don't give the info to the homo-phoebes in my circle and/or those who aren't there for me)



 

Transgender Reality - You Are NOT the Black Sheep

I remember being 5 years old and having my farther say that a cousin of mine was a "negative example".

The way he talked about her was SO repulsive to me and offended me. Just because she spoke her mind, wasn't obsessed with becoming the richest person on the planet, and didn't "conform to the societal norm", that didn't make it right for him to degrade her and constantly belittle her.

Apparently, he was not alone in his prejudiced beliefs. I spent most of my life being ridiculed by him and other family members because I was honest about my feelings and I also decided to opt for employment where I chose morality over money.

I spent my life as the family joke, sometimes directly... but VERY OFTEN behind my back. (Yes... For those of you in my family who are guilty of this and stumble upon this post... I'm not an idiot and did find out what was said AFTER I'd leave your house. It hurt my deeply and made me dread every holiday and/or family event.)

The older I became, the more I'd realize that 95% of what was said, by those who degraded me, was bullshit. They actually made up MANY stories to make themselves look like heroes when they, or their children, failed miserably. (Again, I'm not an idiot... Eventually the real truth comes out).

I actually turned out (in my opinion) to be the best person in my family. Even though I'm not as rich as most of them... and my house isn't as nice as theirs... I'm the most caring and the most real person that I have EVER met... (Despite how F'd up as my life has been, with higher mountains to climb than most and WITHOUT all of the employment handouts that they received).

I am NOT a piece of shit.

I am stronger than they ever were or will ever be.

I am more honest than they ever were or will ever be.

I am FAR more real than they ever were or will ever be.

I may never be as rich as they are... I don't want to be.
Despite my pain, I'm glad I'm me... and NOT them.

Be you... Be happy...
LOVE who you are...
Dee