Transgender Reality - You Are NOT the Black Sheep

I remember being 5 years old and having my farther say that a cousin of mine was a "negative example".

The way he talked about her was SO repulsive to me and offended me. Just because she spoke her mind, wasn't obsessed with becoming the richest person on the planet, and didn't "conform to the societal norm", that didn't make it right for him to degrade her and constantly belittle her.

Apparently, he was not alone in his prejudiced beliefs. I spent most of my life being ridiculed by him and other family members because I was honest about my feelings and I also decided to opt for employment where I chose morality over money.

I spent my life as the family joke, sometimes directly... but VERY OFTEN behind my back. (Yes... For those of you in my family who are guilty of this and stumble upon this post... I'm not an idiot and did find out what was said AFTER I'd leave your house. It hurt my deeply and made me dread every holiday and/or family event.)

The older I became, the more I'd realize that 95% of what was said, by those who degraded me, was bullshit. They actually made up MANY stories to make themselves look like heroes when they, or their children, failed miserably. (Again, I'm not an idiot... Eventually the real truth comes out).

I actually turned out (in my opinion) to be the best person in my family. Even though I'm not as rich as most of them... and my house isn't as nice as theirs... I'm the most caring and the most real person that I have EVER met... (Despite how F'd up as my life has been, with higher mountains to climb than most and WITHOUT all of the employment handouts that they received).

I am NOT a piece of shit.

I am stronger than they ever were or will ever be.

I am more honest than they ever were or will ever be.

I am FAR more real than they ever were or will ever be.

I may never be as rich as they are... I don't want to be.
Despite my pain, I'm glad I'm me... and NOT them.

Be you... Be happy...
LOVE who you are...
Dee

Transgender Transition Highlights - Embracing the Girlie Side

It's been two weeks since my last post... I'm still here, but haven't been able to anything productive at all since my last post. Two weeks of my life wasted.

While trying to find something to motivate me, I started looking through my old photos and came across photos from the night that changed my life... October 31st, 2008.

As long as I can remember, I've been a girl... I've always felt, looked and dressed like a girl (in public, I was a tom-girl)... but the older I got, the more I began to dread looking at myself in the mirror. I hated seeing the increasingly hairy man looking back at me. I never thought the image in the mirror would ever look pretty again or reflect who I truly am on the inside.

My best friend invited me to his Halloween party in 2008. I was dreading going as he lived far away and shy of he and his wife, I wouldn't know anyone else that would be there.

Come Friday (October 31st), I made a deal with myself. I have always wanted to wear a really pretty dress in public but never had the guts to do it. I went to Walgreen's and picked up some makeup... even asking ladies in the makeup isle for makeup advice while I was there! I went home, finished my work, passed out the Halloween candy, then began my transformation.

I felt SO GOOD as I drove up to his house! By the time I stepped out of my car, I felt like a complete woman. I confidently strutted into the party. Although I got stares and remarks, I did not care. I felt pretty and wasn't going to let anyone ruin my night. I spent the night embracing my femininity. Although (in retrospect) I looked like a hairy man in a dress, I had the most AMAZING night, being a confident woman, and just being one-of-the-girls!

The next day I awoke feeling so liberated... So free... I went on the Internet and began to study makeup, body shaping and hair removal techniques. I was determined to get to the point where I could go out on a daily basis, being a total girlie-girl, and looking like one as well.

After 2 years of horrific makeup attempts, I finally got my makeup to the point where I was happy with what I was seeing in the mirror. I began to realize that it wasn't too late and that, with A LOT of WORK, I could actually become a "passable woman". I began HRT (to feminize my face and body) and traded my VEET hair removal routine in for a rigid (and somewhat painful) laser hair removal routine.

By 2012, I was actually confident enough to post my face on Flicker... and by January of 2014, I finally began to trek out in public, in full "a-la-fem" mode, without using Halloween as an excuse!

It's been a long, hard road... and I know I still have the toughest challenges ahead of me... but despite the pain, I'm glad I decided to pursue this journey... and proud of how much I have have overcome... and how far I've come since that night when I decided to change the caterpillar into a butterfly.