Transgender Transitions

So... Someone was curious how the physical progress was going....

Hormones:
Still going VERY slowly on the hormones (See the 5/12/13 post). It wasn't just the boob thing... I kind of like my... you know... so I decided that, for now, I really want to keep it. That being said, it was very scary to see it get smaller... so I still take "maintenance" doses to keep the hormones in check, but have reverted to other methods for my feminization.

Laser Hair Removal:
The laser hair removal has been going on for over a year, which is longer that I thought it would be, but overall, I'm glad I'm doing it. It's going great in some places, and not so great in others... which means that I've gone all summer without wearing shorts around friends and family (still "patchy" in some places).

Body Sculpting:
I've been on a new regiment of non hormonal body sculpting which has been working VERY well for me (if you want to know the particulars, please feel free to email me). I never wanted to look like Dolly Parton... I prefer to look like a healthy, athletic woman. I've re-sculpted my bum, legs and boobs and now am beginning to LOVE what I see in the mirror (not being cocky, just happy of the woman looking back at me). With a bit more work, I'll be at my goal. The pic to the right is NOT a padded bra... That's where they're at.

The bra thing is actually funny... There was a time when the first thing I did after getting home was to put on a bra and a pair of heels... but now that I have boobs, I prefer to go bra-less. I now LOVE how camisoles look and feel on me WITHOUT the bra.

Still paranoid about the over-tweezing thing though (which I just did AGAIN)... so hopefully I can find a compromise look for now that will keep me happy when I look in the mirror, but won't get me more grief at work..

I wish I could just go full out and be accepted... but that's just a fantasy... so I'll keep with the slow conversion until I meet my goals.

Stay strong and follow your goals...
Luv Dee

Transgender Roads

The past week has graced me with amazing piece-of-mind. I now refuse to stress out about what other people do... and don't do... I now refuse to stress out about what I can't accomplish... I'm just taking life on step at a time and focusing on MY happiness for once.

These are HUGE steps for me, because I've always been "Type A"... but by refusing stress and embracing my new philosophy, I'm finally empowered to be the REAL me.

A nice side effect happened a few nights ago. I decided to celebrate the coming fall by dressing in something that I NEVER would have worn outside a month ago (the left picture).

Yes the homophobic neighbor was creeping again, but I didn't let it phase me. I just sat looking at the stars enjoying my wine.
 
By 4 AM, I was feeling so empowered and so much braver that I traded the long skirt for a leather mini (the right picture) and went for a walk around the neighborhood... just because I wanted to.

In the days since, I've been going out in VERY feminine fashions... both day and night... without too much thought of what others may say.

Transgender Reflections, Changes and Goals

Labor Day is the time to reflect on the passing summer and prep for the fall.

It’s been a long hard summer for me. I stepped up once again to do the right thing… and unfortunately, although I was able to help out a lot of other people and make a lot of positive changes, it inevitably cost me VERY dearly.

The one good thing that came from my personal losses is that I am now forced to go down a different life path. Everything in life happens for a reason and I think I actually needed to go through all of this to realize what's truly important in my life.

What will happen… I do not know… but I think I need to finally start focusing on me and what makes me truly happy.

As for now, I'm dressed up in my favorite summer top and miniskirt and going into my yard to enjoy this beautiful summer night... ignoring what the homophobic neighbors will say... 

I'm doing this for me.

Side note (2 hours later): I'm out in my yard trying to relax and my homophobic neighbor is trying to take pictures of me in my own yard??? (And no... I did not talk to her or ask her to do that... she's just taking them to show her friends the freak next door (me)... and it's SO obvious, because the flash from the camera
is lighting up the part of my back yard where I'm sitting... Aren't there laws against that?) WTF???

I'm not upset... I actually feel bad for her... That her life is so boring... that she would get her kicks out of doing that. It only makes me more determined to find a new transgender friendly abode and a new transgender friendly job... ASAP!

Transgender Acceptance

You know you're in a good place...
when you can take all of your makeup off...
and you still feel pretty!

Transgender Goals - Coming Out to Friends

I'm invited to a barbeque by friends I haven't seen in a while. It's really hot out... everyone will be wearing shorts... but I'm not comfortable with the way my legs look (halfway through the laser therapy, my legs are pale with a bit of stubble).

Shit! Now what do I do? I guess I have to wear jeans... but if I have to wear jeans... I'm going to wear the most comfortable, feminine ones I have... along with a cute and very comfy Danskin tank top and women's sandals! I attempted this a while ago at a family barbeque and it turned out to be a day of uncomfortable looks and judgmental snickering.

I prepare myself for the worse case scenario and the best. If they say anything about me looking overly feminine, I'll thank them and and explain about my transition. If I can't be me in front of my friends, then they're not worth hanging out with anymore.

The best case scenario? I pack up a few really girlie outfits. Although I always been myself around this group of friends, I've never had the courage to wear a cute dress, mini-skirt, bathing suit and/or high heels while we hung out. I've been fantasizing about this for years! Will I finally find the courage to do it?

As I drive there, I feel so free. It's been a while since I allowed myself to wear anything so obviously girlie in public.

When I arrive, I don't get one stare or negative comment from anyone at the barbeque. I guess that's the difference between my family and my friends. My true friends accept me for who I truly am... and my family... not so much.

I look as feminine as the rest of the women, so as much as I want to slip into a dress, I would be over-dressed (or under-dressed?) if I do change into a dress. Oh well...

 

I'm feeling brave again... or maybe I just don't care about what shallow homophobes think anymore... but either way, I actually ventured into the back yard today, which is partially visible to my neighbors, in a cute bikini to work on my tan lines!

Be you and you will be happy.

Dee

Transgender Goals

2014 was a banner year. I pushed the envelope at work and in my family life and am ready to go even further in 2015.

Due to over-tweezing eyebrows and becoming more brave in my fashion choices, it has become apparent to most people that I prefer to be a woman. I was subject to various comments and snickering, but I actually became happier in the process... as I learned that:

1. Within showing my true self, the shallow comments and repercussions were far less painful than NOT being allowed to be myself.
2. Many of my fears about transitioning were without merit.
3. The people that were the most shallow were the people that didn't need or want in my life anyways.

My resolutions for 2015:

1: Be a ray of sunshine. I want to get back to being the warm, encouraging person I used to be (due to 80 hour work weeks and being over-stressed, I've been tending to be very whiny lately, especially around friends and family).

2: Find inner peace. For me this means I need to stop worrying about finances (which should be easier to do if I just keep reminding myself that my finances are set for the remainder or the year), and allow myself to enjoy my life... and myself... as I am... without exception.

3: Balance "the wheel". Life has many aspects and if you were to put them all into a pie-chart, you may find that your "life wheel" may not be balanced, thus not allowing you to roll smoothly through life. I consider my life wheel to be:

1. Finances - Enough money to pay the bills... basic survival.
2. Home - A stress-free place to return to at the end of a stressful day.
3. Peace of Mind - Feeling good about who we are and where we are in life.
4. Free Time / Stress Reduction - Many people, especially workaholics, find it hard to find time to relax and do "fun stuff".
5. Friends/Family Life - Sometimes, we need to find more time to spend with those who mean the most to us and can make us laugh.
6. Future - Swim or drown. You have to keep prepare for what will come... and chasing our dreams and goals helps us from feeling "hopeless".

My secondary goals for 2015:

1: Slowly coming out to friends and family. Yes it's obvious that I prefer to be a woman, but if I actually say that I'm transgender, I'm hoping that I will open more doors of expression and allow myself to feel more free around people. I'm also hoping that some of my female friends and family will embrace my honesty and maybe even give me a make-over and some of their old clothes!

The picture to the right is a recreation of a lesbian co-worker who I'm contemplating coming out to... I'm obsessed with the thoughts being able to try on a few of her cute outfits!

2: Become more comfortable being "Ala fem" in public. Whether relaxing in my yard or taking an occasional excursion into the "real world", I need to feel less paranoid about being "overly girlie-girl" around others.

3: Androgyny. I found that for myself, the transition into becoming somewhat androgynous was more acceptable than going directly into becoming a woman.

• I plan to work towards full androgyny this year so that by next year, it should be easy to go fully fem. 
• I'm planning to keep up with the laser hair removal treatments, but will keep some facial and arm hair for the time being. 
• I also bought some junior's clothing to wear to work and when I go out which is far more feminine than what I wore last year. I'm planning to keep pushing the envelope until I'm confident that I'll be able to finally ease into going out in makeup, dresses and even stiletto heels!

I wish you all a successful 2015... and also... the strength to pursue what truly makes you happy.

Love,
Dee