I wasted a day going up to see my biggest web client which was a big mistake... as he was horrendously mean. Even though I've brought his company hundreds of thousands of dollars over the years, the first words out of his mouth were, "I want you to give me a thousand dollar refund!" He has been making huge mistakes with his company and is trying to squeeze the lost money from his vendors. Needles to say, I refused and lost the contract. Despite that and the lack of the second job, I somehow managed to pay my bills for the month.The motivation of being back in school has also waned. As my professor is juggling 3 jobs, he seems to be less than motivated to be interactive during class and is not being clear on what our homework assignments are supposed to be... so I'm left to guess as far as what chapter I'm actually supposed to study next. Combine that with me not being able to retain everything I'm studying and you can see why I'm less than optimistic about the time, effort and money that I sank into this course.
On a good note, Today I went on through quickest (and probably the best) interview process that I've ever been through and was hired on the spot (pending a drug test and records check). I usually hate interviews and suck at them but today went well. The money isn't great, but the schedule is perfect, it will get me out of the house, and it will also help me to pay the mortgage.
As it has been one year of hell... I'm starting to look back on it and realize once again that the few people that I actually confided in... the few people who could have helped... the few people that I reached out to because I know that they could have gotten me a job... well... they didn't seem to really care a whole hell of a lot. They were too tied up in their own issues and also didn't want to look bad by recommending me to a company for employment in my depressed state. Once again, I found out that the only person that I can count on is me.
I'll use that as a motivational force as I move on. I will use that to inspire me to find a new community and group of friends who really do care... who are willing to reciprocate the love and empathy that I give towards them.
I'm (hopefully) back on track...
Step 1: Pay the Bills & Continue My Transition
Step 2: Plan & Move Somewhere that is Trans Friendly
Step 3: Legally Change My Name (and don't give the info to the homo-phoebes in my circle and/or those who aren't there for me)
