As she is is frequently inundated with people pouring their hearts upon her shoulder, I sent her a message saying that I couldn't meet up as I didn't want to lie about how great thing were and would contact her once things were going better. She, being the awesome person she is, wanted me to call her back.
I started to admit to her about losing my job... and how I was fearful of even leaving my house at this point to look for work... and it somehow transitioned into a discussion about me being Transgender!
She was UNBELIEVABLY cool about it! We then talked for 3 hours about what my next steps should be.
Time Warp Back: When I was a little girl, my sister was always my role model... my mentor... and who I wanted to emulate. At some point, that all changed and we grew apart. I SO wanted to tell her who I was and longed to have a sister to share girlie things with, but never did.
In the last 3 hours, I blurted out decades worth of shit that I was dying to say to her... and she was SO COOL WITH IT ALL! As we talked I was going through my Flickr stuff and I remarked about how my "female me" that I posted online was so much cuter than what she's used to seeing (I was tempted to send her this pic... but didn't yet... as I don't want to totally overload her).
OK... even though I had two drinks (obviously not drunk), I also asked her to text me back to confirm that I actually came out to her and she is cool with it! As I am typing this, she is texting me back... Yup! It's Real! HOLY SHIT! Love her so much!
I just texted her back with this inquisitive question: "Why didn't we talk about this years ago?" along with her thoughts of having a sister named Jill (Yes Jill... That's my REAL new name). She agreed that Jill is a good choice for me!
My bad! I've spent SO MANY YEARS worried about what other people's feelings would be about me being female... when deep down... I knew that the people who truly love me wouldn't care. Maybe it's time to let me be me and finally allow myself to be happy?
Be you.
Be Happy.
Dee
