No posts since August? In August I lost my dog, my car, my job (sort of), and also my tenant (I have a rental apartment in my house, which I rely on to pay the remainder of my bills).
Wow... So much has happened since then...
I'll take each issue separately...
My Co-pilot... the grounding of my sanity... There is no good news there. I still, 2 months later, look down before I get off the sofa to make sure that I'm not stepping on him... I still go to do a lot of things that I used to do at certain times and then remember that he's not with me anymore... As much as I miss him, I have no plans in the immediate future to get another dog. As I am moving on to a new chapter in my life, I don't want to have ANY excuses to not pursue or participate in what I've denied myself for so many years by using the "I have to go home to my dog" excuse.
The Car: No positive here! Major issues for several months... major repair bills... then I got a hole in the gas tank... so I had only 1 day to find a new one. I stayed up for 24 hours researching the best options and the best dealers. Long story short, it's NOT my dream vehicle, but it's tech'ed out and I won't have to worry about repairs for the next 3 years (It's a lease... Everything, including taxes are included in the price). The one down side is it's another $400 a month! I hope nothing happens to my job or tenant!
The Job: Hmm... Yeah FUCK! The new upper management are homophobes who are trying to force me and my fellow trans co-workers out... so I thought that I was losing that too... But then I hash-tagged my employer's company name in a former post about harassment and removed a few days afterwards as I knew how homophobic certain people were there... Amazingly enough, a week later, someone from the corporate office called me, asking me questions about the harassment that I alleged in a report that I submitted 5 months before? They asked me for names (which I refused to give as I didn't want my situation to get worse there), but the "prime harassers" no longer work there, except for Helder, the homophobic instigator of the whole scenario. He still mocks me every night... all night... and makes my life a living hell. I tried to confront him directly, as has my direct manager, but each time we confront him, he only becomes worse... and they REFUSE to write him up or fire him. I'm looking for other jobs, but can't find anything that pays the same, so I'm forced to deal with it until I find something else.
The tenant: Anyone who knows New-England rentals knows that the prime time to rent is between May and September. If you don't rent by October 1st, you probably won't rent until the following May. My former tenant tells me a day after I get my new car that he "may" be moving out in October but I can't even show it until mid-September because the apartment is so "smelly" and dark... and he's not sure if he's moving? I went into panic mode for a few weeks but then I had a married, lesbian couple come by to look at at it it. Although they didn't have the income and references that other potential tenants had, I trusted my gut and rented it to them anyways. First of all, they were very cool, but I also knew that if they saw me dressed a bit feminine, heard high heels, or saw me going out in makeup, they wouldn't freak out. That was HUGE in changing my mindset and how I am able to live my life in my own house now. I hope that at some point I can get up the courage to talk to them about makeup tips and places to go... but I'm a bit hesitant as some of my very good friends who are lesbian are trans-phobic as well...
And now for something completely different: Yeah so... Life's not bliss but... I finally have a reliable car, my bosses are finally covering my back, and the apartment is finally rented for more than what the last tenant was paying (which helps with the added car payment)... And... the Red Sox are in the World Series!
The Estrogen has been changing my body a bit. My but, boobs, face and body are becoming a bit more feminine since I've been taking it... but the biggest change is internal...
Although I knew I was a girl for as long as I can remember, I've never totally accepted it... without doubt or regret... until recently. I finally feel happier, more confident, and optimistic...
It's no longer about trying to become a girl... I finally AM a GIRL!
That's SO huge in the way I see things now...
