Antisocial Month: It's been a long, hard month since my last post. As I desperately needed to come up with money to pay the bills and mortgage, I found myself withdrawing even more... sleeping all day and not even applying for jobs.
"This is NOT ME!" "I always bounce back." "I always do well under pressure."
"WOW! I guess my Depression & Agoraphobia is far worse than I thought! I need to do something drastic!"
I decide to take another "leap of faith". Although I have ZERO dollars left in my bank account, last week, I decide to go back to school and get certified as an A+ technician (which is VERY expensive).
Rewind Time: I went to college for IT a long time ago... and did it for a while... but that was years ago.
So much has changed since then... and ALL employers now want people who are recently certified.
Fast Forward: The courses are VERY intensive! We are cramming an entire semester course in every 2 weeks... So basically, I'm doing the equivalent of 6 to 8 college courses (along with all the homework) within 13 weeks! Not so easy for me considering the state I've been in for the last year.
That being said, last week was the first week in OVER A YEAR that I did NOT have ANY nightmares.
It was the first week in OVER A YEAR that I actually had a reason to get up.
It was the first week in OVER A YEAR that I actually was motivated to do what needed to be done (Beyond the school stuff... I was actually motivated to do the home stuff and the money stuff as well).
The Moral of This Story: A life without hope makes you become hopeless.
If you feel hopeless, force yourself into situations that will lead you down a more positive path...
Give yourself something to believe in...
Side Note 1: It's not easy... I'm still battling with the Agoraphobia and still have bad days that I find it hard to do anything at all...but with hope, I find myself pushing through the negativity and accomplishing what needs to be done.
I really hope that most of the Transgenders that are reading this haven't ever gotten to as dark of a place as I have gotten to within the last year.
I also hope that those who are in that dark place realize that there's always something that you can do to spark yourself out of the darkness... It may not be perfect, but a little ray of light can warm your heart and light your way to future happiness.
Side Note 2: I still need a second job ASAP so I can pay the October bills. Hopefully I'll be able to get back to being the tough, "I can do whatever is thrown at me" chick soon... so I get that second job... and also handle doing both school AND a new job as well.
