Transgender Jealousy at Work

Many transgenders and transvestites work with a female or two who they are a bit jealous of... because they ALWAYS wear the prettiest clothes to work... EVERY DAY.

Today I put on my pantyhose, a pair of grey, polyester, junior's slacks and a soft, black, acrylic sweater... and headed off to job #2... (Yes... the job where I have to work with the overly-conservative homophobes). The outfit felt SO GOOD on my recently laser-ed skin and I felt SO PRETTY as I walked through the building! (And yes again for those who saw the November 16th post... I DID start the laser hair removal!)

Then, the most AMAZING thing happened. I saw one the girls whom I'm always jealous of. She was actually wearing an outfit that was almost identical to mine! (Same fabrics, cut, styling, and colors... although her outfit was a bit more feminine and she was also lucky enough to be able to wear a cute pair of pumps with hers.)

But it gets even better! I almost flipped out on my lunch break when I saw her wearing her jacket... a cute, black, diagonally-quilted, puffer jacket... almost exactly like the one I was wearing!

Some girls are embarrassed when this happens. You know, the old "wearing the same outfit" thing. NOT ME! I was flattered and even felt "a bit more girlie" when I realized how cute we BOTH looked! It was such an incredible feeling to know that I was able to wear the same outfit as she did today!

The fact the she looked SO BEAUTIFUL today was the icing on the cake. I now know that if I WAS allowed to wear my make-up and a pair of pumps to work, I'd probably look even prettier than her... one of the ladies that I've been jealous of for so long!

I'm not being vain, I'm just (as I'm writing this) comparing pictures, where we both have makeup on... and I think I'm a bit prettier than she is when I'm in "full en-fem mode". 

Side note: I ALWAYS feel so much more feminine when I'm wearing Leggs Sheer Energy Pantyhose under my slacks! If you haven't tried them, I HIGHLY suggest you do!

Hugs and Sweet Dreams,
Dee

    

Transgender Transition Tipping-point

Ooops!

If you've been reading the blog, you probably saw the comments that I made back in January about how a bit of over-tweezing led to people acting differently around me (but not vocalizing anything). Apparently... I tweezed a bit more than before (over the weekend) and found the point where people WILL vocalize.

Personally, I don't think there is a major difference between January and now (see the pic to the right -- OK... They ARE a bit thinner but... ).

Monday, a female co-worker said something about me looking different. I tried to pass it off as just being clean-shaven, but then she began staring at my eyebrows and made the comment, "I wouldn't say that to other people". Was she thinking that I meant I shaved my eyebrows?

She went on to imply that our conservative Boston area clients would think of me as a freak. She couldn't have been more wrong. Our clients didn't look at me any differently. They all still came to talk to me warmly and with respect. Considering the fact that I go above and beyond what most of my co-workers do for them, even if I was I wearing a dress... it wouldn't matter to them. They'd still respect me for who I really am.

Tuesday, I went to the bathroom, making myself 4 minutes late for a departmental meeting. When arrived and sat down with 3 other female co-workers, one turned to me and said, "We were wondering what was taking you so long in the bathroom... We thought you may have been shaving or tweezing something!" Yeah pretty blatant comment... and then they all smirked and laughed.

I didn't let it phase me... I just laughed along with them... or was I just laughing AT them? After all, I was brave enough to push across a line that I was previously fearful of crossing -- to show my true feminine self in such a conservative position -- so considering that the clients are cool with it and the only repercussions were a bit of snickering from shallow people who have no idea what a transgender is (they probably just think I'm gay now but I don't really care about that either), as long as I'm free to be me, I'm OK with everything else.

D

Transgender Transition - Pressing Issues?

OK... This is kind of weird...

I've accepted the looks and comments (and stood up for myself and others when those comments were cruel)... but... what do you do when another female just randomly presses your body parts to see "what's going on"?

I still need to fake the guy role at times, but as my looks, breasts and bum are obviously becoming more feminine, it is creating a strange curiosity for some. A female co-worker recently walked by me at work and grabbed my breast, then kept on walking (without saying a word). Several days later, the same woman began pressing my bum... not in a groping way (unfortunately), but more of a "is this real" type of way.

If my transition is becoming that much of a curiosity, then why not ask me if... I don't know... I guess it would have been more weird if she randomly asked, "So why are your boobs getting so perky?".

I'm not offended at all. In fact, it's encouraged me to push forward with more transitioning, including laser hair removal. Androgyny is more tolerated than hairy guys with breasts and getting rid of the unwanted hair would do wonders for my own piece of mind as well.

I took the pics to the right this morning -- with no make-up, bra or padding -- to see if my boobs -- or I -- look like an oddity.

Oddity or not... I like the way I look!

Transgender Transition Issues

I recently saw a TV special on CNN called "What Would You Do" in which a transgender waitress was being harassed and patrons came to her rescue. Kudos to those who spoke up and Kudos to CNN for aiding in the awareness that we transgenders are real people with real feelings.

That being said, please do not assume by seeing the recent influx of "Ho-ray for the transgenders" broadcasting that everything has changed and the road ahead is going to be easy... There is a very high suicide rate amongst transgenders who can't cope with the comments, isolation and ridicule that inevitably comes from the ignorant and the homophobes.

Yes, you will meet many more accepting strangers these days who will say, "Que Sera Sera", but unfortunately, there are still a lot of homophobes who will want to hurt you because they are... and always will be who THEY are. Whether it be physically or mentally, they still exist... and quite often, they are the ones closest to you.

My advice? Think not only of what you want, but also IF YOU CAN HANDLE what you don't want, before you start the transition.

Dealing with mental abuse:

You need to be thick-skinned by nature (not letting anything bother you) or at least have the right mindset. I have been told several times before that I take everything FAR too personally (which I do... negative comments and actions hurt me VERY deeply), but through a slower transition, I have found that I really care more about becoming my true self than I care about what other people say or think. This mindset has cost me several long-term friendships and alienated me from close family members. I'm OK with this because if those people didn't want to TRY to understand me, then they really shouldn't be in my life anyways.

If you can neither ignore hurtful words and actions or bear the thought of walking away from those who were closest to you... then trust me... transition is probably NOT the right thing for you.

Dealing with physical abuse:

Unfortunately there are still a lot of homophobes that will probably want to get into a physical fight with you (or worse) because of their own fears. If you can not handle yourself in those situations, you should also take martial arts training. I personally recommend Aikido (Steven Seagal's choice as well... which teaches using the opponent's energy against himself) or Kempo.

Don't let this scare you too much. These morons are usually drunk when then attempt to hurt you, so if you know a few good moves, you should be OK in most situations (I once got jumped by 5 guys at the same time... but, even though I'm only 5'7", I went home without a scratch).

Bottom line:

Unless you feel that the happiness that reflecting your true inner-self externally will bring will be greater than the pain involved, and you have the right mindset, you may want to hold off on transitioning.

As for me, I'm proud of who I am, glad to be the lady I am externally evolving into, and will take each new obstacle in stride...

D

Transgender Steps to Going Out

Transgender transformation is a long process of baby steps.

Although I always dress in female clothing, I've still been hesitant to go out in public in full girlie mode (dresses, skirts, make-up, etc...), so my goal for the summer was to do that. It really bothered me that I wasn't able to enjoy time in my own yard as I pleased because I have a less-than-private-yard in a somewhat conservative/homophobic area... so I took baby steps to build up my confidence and then finally went for it..

The first step was sitting on the porch, which is sort of private. After doing that several times, I worked up the courage to go into the back yard in secluded locations. By August, I was allowing myself to go into the less private areas of my back yard (where I ussually sit when I'm out in the yard).

I was so relaxing and freeing to FINALLY be wearing dresses and skirts as I stared at the clouds! I took the pictures to the right after coming in on two of those wonderful nights.

Transgenders - How to Cover Five O'clock Shadow

I've tried a lot of tips to "tone down" facial hairs in photos. What I found to work best for me is:

1. Shave closely prior to applying any makeup.
2. If you are planning on having the makeup on for an extended period of time, there are several products like Hydrochloride Cream that will slow any "five o'clock shadow".
3. Apply a liquid foundation (I prefer Almay Smart Shade... it blends with your natural skin tone very well).
4. Dab concealer over the areas where facial hair grows then blend it INTO the foundation.
5. This of course will leave those areas more pale then your other made-over areas... so simply apply a bit of blush to the "concealer enhanced area" until it matches the rest of your makeup.
6. Top it all off with a powder foundation to set it all together and minimize oily areas.
7. Add the remainder of your makeup.

Transgenders Showing Photos to Friends

As my make-overs and pictures get better, I've been tempted to show them off to current friends or family... I've posted them here and on Flickr... so why am I still so hesitant to get feedback from those closest to me?

If you asked me that a year ago, I would have said that it's because most of them are still ignorant to what a transgender is and a lot of them are homophobic as well...

Also, although I love my friends and family, I do not like the way they sometimes categorize people and make degrading comments out of ignorance and/or fear of the unknown.

Even if they fain support, I'd be the object of ridicule once I left and slowly be "phased out" of gatherings with family and friends.

At this point, none of that matters to me. I love who I am and if they can't accept me as I am, it's their loss... but considering how difficult everything else is right now in my life, I just don't need the added drama that showing my photos to them would bring.

A Transgender Test - Differences Between Transvestites and Transgenders

While most transvestites can dress up and then go right back to male mode, most transgenders find that very hard... even painful at times. It's not about wearing the girl clothes for us... it's about allowing ourselves to be who we are and allowing ourselves to be feminine.

I can't remember the last time that I was able to go to sleep at night without wearing something that was feminine. Even if I have to still fake the guy role at times during the day... from the moment I get home, til the moment I have to go back into "tom-boy mode", I need to allow myself to be who I really am. 

The other reason for my sleep-time "addiction" is... When you go to bed feeling pretty... You wake up feeling pretty...

Side note: Although I own  hundreds of feminine outfits and dozens of sexier nighties, I posted these because they are a few of my favorites to sleep in. 

Again... it's not about the clothes... it's about feeling feminine.

   

Transgender Bodies: Transforming Your Look

Beauty and the Beast

 

The beast is in our minds...

I hate my chin, knees, skinny ankles and "puppy paws"... but the more I learn to accept my faults and body flaws... the easier it becomes for me to allow the inner beauty to shine through...

   

Non-Trangender Related

I just saw another clueless and/or paid commentary about how safe fracking is,
so sorry... but I need to inform the uninformed...

Please spend some of your time on the Internet
researching the reality behind fracking
and how many of your elected officials
and supporters are getting paid off
to cover up the known side effects
that fracking is causing to the heath and lives
of your family, friends and millions of your countrymen.

People are dieing... Lives are being ruined...
Millions of us are affected so a few can profit.

We ALL need to know the truth and speak up.

Taking Transgender Cell Phone Selfies - Part 2

OK... Just to prove the point.... 

The photos above were cell phone selfies.

The photo below was taken the same day, with the same make-up.... on a real digital camera.

Nuf Said!

Side notes:
Both were taken with regular room lighting (no flash)
using GE Reveal light bulbs
(they tend to be less yellow than normal light bulbs).

Transgender Cell Phone Selfies

I'm not a big fan of selfies... especially when somebody takes (and posts) several every day.

That being said, I've always been SO JEALOUS of transvestites and transgenders that can take a cell phone selfie that comes out very cute, as a lot of us can't pull that off.

The reason for that is simple. Cell phones have wide angle lenses which tend to overly accentuate the chin, nose and all the other parts that those of us who were born as male do not want to be exaggerated when we are trying to pull off a female look. I highly suggest using a regular digital camera over the cell phone when you are taking pictures of yourself.

That being said, I was just going through my cell phone and noticed this attempt at a selfie. No make-up or pretty clothes... just chillin in overalls on a cold  January morning. I was suprized that it actually came out somewhat cute... so yes... you are looking at the first selfie that I have ever posted (but I still recommend a regular digital camera).





  

Getting to Know a Transgender on the Internet

If you want to get to know a transgender on the internet, please treat us with a bit of respect. We are not whores trying to get laid. Most of us are just here trying to find a few new friends whom we have something in common with and who will accept us for who we really are.

Also keep in mind that there are a few things that REALLY shock us (that's my attempt at a shocked face to the right), disgust us, tick us off and/or will get you blocked from major websites:

1. We are NOT interested in seeing a profile and/or photo-stream with a blurred face and  your penis. Please realize that this is also a turn-off for most hetero and non-transgender people as well.
2. If you "follow" us on Flickr but when we check out YOUR page, it says: "(Username) doesn't have anything available to you". VERY CREEPY
3. If  your photo-stream is all OTHER people's pictures... Again... VERY CREEPY!
4. If your photo-stream is all YOUR face Photoshop-ed onto OTHER PEOPLE'S bodies (a lot of us may Photoshop ourselves onto other people... but you should NOT upload them to Flickr and other sites pretending that it's you... be yourself and embrace who you are).
5. If I/we make it VERY CLEAR that we are NOT interested in hooking up with guys but are always being emailed and messaged by very persistent guys looking to hook up anyways. READ THE PROFILES BEFORE YOU SEND THE EMAIL.
6. You send us a nice comment, but then we notice the same EXACT SAME comment from you on dozens of other people's pages. Once Again... VERY CREEPY!

Long story short... Unless it's stated in our profiles that we want to be treated like a whore, please show us the same respect that YOU would expect from anyone else who just met you.

  

Accepting Yourself as Transgender

I felt so good... and so pretty... ALL DAY today.

I embraced the being I am becoming... the good points as well as my flaws (yes, I am now embrace my flaws as well).

With each baby step I take on my journey... with each little victory... my self esteem and self-confidence in who I really am seems to grow. 

Allow yourself to be yourself. Accept yourself for who you are... flaws and all.

Eventually happiness... and piece of mind... will follow.

Update on the Update on the Update of "Coming Out as a Transgender"

Returning from a Superbowl party... Testosterone central...

The guys made a few obscure comments that made no sense, laughed to each other, then everyone looked over at me. As the comments made no sense, it was obvious that they were related to private jokes. I was a bit bothered... not by the jokes (which I didn't get)... but by the fact that I thought I was just being paranoid.

After a few more obscure, bizarre comments, I knew for sure that they have been... and were still... joking about me, my new-found feminine look (not the case but new to them) and what they assume to be my sexual preferences.

Believe it or not, instead of being upset, I felt another large weight being lifted off my shoulders. I assessed WHO were making the jokes (the most homophobic guys there) and WHY they felt like they HAD TO rehash their private jokes amongst themselves in my presence. I couldn't help but laugh at that point!

I leaned back... feeling totally free to drop my faked testosterone banter and just be the girl that I really am. I was elated to just be myself and from that point on, really enjoyed the rest of the game

I must also admit that I loved seeing my pre-game prediction come to fruition (sorry Denver fans, but I'm not a Manning fan and KNEW he'd choke against such a good defensive team that played with so much heart).

Update on the Update of "Coming Out as a Transgender"

Um yeah...
I'm now convinced that over-tweezing thing gave it away... Nothing was said directly but EVERYONE has been acting totally different towards me lately.

All of the women I know (even family members) have been VERY cool, and have even been making me feel like one of the girls. It's such and amazing and freeing feeling.

The guys... well... nothing has been said but... the guys in my family now have that stupid smirk on their face when they talk to me. You know the one. The smirk that tells you that, the second I walk out the door, they are ALL going to be joking about how their brother is now becoming their sister. 

I thought that I would be hurt by being the brunt of their private jokes, but, although the smirks make me uncomfortable, the thought of them joking about me behind my back is now a welcoming thought. 

OK... Let me break that one down...  I welcome it because I now feel free to be myself, make a GRADUAL transition into womanhood without having to "come out" and no longer need to feel paranoid about the ramifications of how my feminine changes will effect my life... 

I'm so much happier and relaxed now that I can drop the macho crap and just be one of the girls.

--------

Side note: When you tweeze or wax, it comes back. It's not that obvious when you are freshly tweezed, but when the little nubs start popping back to the surface, it's pretty obvious that you "manscape".

Going out in Drag -- Growth from Ignorance

As I’m transgender, I don’t consider going out in “Full Girlie Mode” to be drag. It’s just going out as who I really am. That being said, if you read the first post, you probably can figure out that my neighbors, friends and relatives would consider a genetic male dressed up as a woman to be something to joke about… so I rarely do it.

Last Friday, when I got home from work, I put on my make-up and dressed up in a really cute dress. When I looked in the mirror I really liked the way I looked! “Screw it! I’m going to that Transgender Night that I saw advertised online!”

The bar was inside Peabody Marriott. I eventually found the hotel, arriving around 11 PM. There was no signage for a bar and the parking lot was somewhat empty. It was advertised as being from 8:30 PM to 2 AM, so the event had to be going on somewhere inside the building!

I walked around the building in vane, trying to find the entrance for the bar. There was none that I could find. I didn’t want to go into the lobby as there were guests checking in, so I wound up calling the hotel (asking for the bar) from my cell phone.

I was told, “We close the bar early on nights where it’s dead”. REALLY? You advertise a specific event at specific times, and people are driving 30 to 50 miles out of their way to get there…

The man on the other end of the line offered no apologies and no legitimate explanations. What should have been a wonderful evening was destroyed… not by the fact that the bar closed early, but by the lack of professionalism and/or compassion by whoever answered the phone inside the bar.

Their loss. I was going stay at the Peabody Marriott in 2 weeks for the First Night event, but out of principle, I refuse to spend any of my money in that hotel!

The one good thing that came from that night was that I finally got the nerve to leave my house dressed-up exactly as I wanted to… without it being for a Halloween party and without caring about the neighbor’s reactions… and have every day since.

Update on "Coming out as Transgender"

Well I may have stepped up the transformation a bit too quick… I went a bit overboard with the tweezing, to the point that my brother’s wife and some others made it known to me that they noticed the change… (Nothing mean).

I’m not sure if they are making homophobic jokes behind my back but I really don’t care at this point. I absolutely LOVE seeing the new me in the mirror and that’s all that matters!

If you compare the Flickr pictures (http://www.flickr.com/photos/deedeeburke), you can see the difference. I thought it was subtle, but I guess not subtle enough.