Coming Out as Transgender - Good Advice for Some

I recently read a post from another transgender who was giving advice on how she came out to her family, friends and co-workers.

She stated that she did not just suddenly tell everyone. Instead, she decided to SLOWLY feminize her appearance and demeanor. This allowed her to gain her self-confidence and increasingly be herself around them... while also allowing them time to adapt to the changes. By the time she did have “the talk” with all of them, they were much more accepting then she ever thought they would be.

I’ve decided to also take this route and have been doing a bit more tweezing lately… a bit more of the hair removal… and wearing outfits that are a bit more feminine.

Little by little I’m transforming before their eyes, but it’s so subtle that they are not shocked by each new change and I haven’t gotten any dirty looks and/or comments either.

Knowing my current circle, I will probably get some negative comments at some point... but by then, my confidence in "being womanly" will be high enough that it won't bother me as much.

 

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The Bright Side of Darkness

I used to dread this time of the year… The days are dreary, the weather is WAY too cold, and it’s dark before I get out of work… but now I now actually look forward to late autumn.

When I got home from work tonight, I changed into a very cute and very feminine outfit (which also included high heeled boots). Soon after, I took my dog out for a long walk. As we walked along the dark, empty streets, I felt so relaxed… and so free… Not once thinking, “What will the neighbors say”? I was just a very self-confident lady walking her dog.

Although I felt very pretty in the outfit, that’s not what made me feel so happy and free. I’ve been wearing female clothing 24/7 for years now, but I usually don’t wear anything in public that’s OVERLY feminine. Tonight though, instead of changing back into less feminine clothing, I kept the cute outfit on and allowed myself to be myself… without ANY paranoia or worries. I guess the fact that it was a very dark night had a lot to do with that.

I’m taking steps to get to the point where I can go out any time of the year without feeling self-conscious… but until then, I’ll gladly welcome how light-hearted the New England darkness can make me feel. 

  

Transgender Makeovers

If you're a bit self-cautious like I am , you probably only buy make-up during the few times of the year when guys can buy make-up without feeling like everyone in the store is looking at you like a you're a weirdo (before Halloween, Christmas or Valentines day).

If so, I recommend doing a virtual make-over online (Google "virtual makeover") then go buy some new make-up online from drugstore.com. You don't have to worry about raised eyebrows and the prices are lower than my local drugstore. They have great prices on EVERYTHING there (not just make-up).

I just got some new make-up delivered today!

Why Transgenders should NOT take advice from Non-Transgender friends...

Chillin at home… in full girlie mode… after a long day of work!

It’s times like these that make my “second job” somewhat tolerable (knowing I’ll be home soon and can unwind Ala-fem).

It’s too bad I didn’t know several years ago, what I know today… before I moved here.

I’m longing for days gone by… when I used to work from home and could be myself 24/7…

Back then; my WORST DAY was MUCH BETTER than what my BEST DAY is now.

The moral of the story is: If your heart tells you that the “advice” you are getting is NOT in your best interest, follow your heart instead.

Your inner voice will always lead you down the path that is truly right for you.

Make-overs... Maybe it's time to talk to a professional?

I've never gone for a professional make-over... it's all trail and error with me.
That being said... I think I stumbled upon a pretty good look here!

Lost a bit of weight -- and a bit of my sanity -- over the summer, but still keep trying to overcome the everyday hassles, and trying to find a more transgender friendly job and location (any suggestions?).

Massachusetts Transgender Summer Blues

Well… It’s been a long hard summer…Working 80 hours a week doesn’t leave much time for posting or anything else.

Also, while trying to enjoy what little free time I had, a neighboring family was constantly trying to make my life a living Hell with various forms of harassment, which I won't go into. I've gone out of my way to be "neighborly" to them, yet their favorite hobby seems to be trying to make my home life miserable. (They NEVER go out and don't have any friends... so I guess that's why they they obsess so much on causing conflict with their neighbors). I'm NOT the type of person to let things like that slide, but no matter what I do, they just get keep getting worse.

The irony is: The husband, who tries to be anything BUT a friend in real life, is also one of the guys that has been constantly trying to "friend me" on URNA and Flickr. (Side note: He doesn't have a clue that I'm the same girl that he is trying so hard to contact online!)

I sometimes wish I could be an Ahole...and send the wife an email letting her know that her "perfect husband" is trying to pick up Transgenders online... then hopefully they would get divorced and move out... 

  





  
  

Summer Bummer Conclusion

I guess the answer for me was #3 (Screw It).

I am happier being who I really am... so I chose to go hairless.

My legs are smooth again (Yay!)... but I’m not sure how I’ll feel when the warm weather returns to Boston and I want to wear shorts again. Suck it up buttercup… Don’t worry about what may or may not be.

  

Summer Bummer – Men Who Shave Legs

As much as I love the warm weather, I also look forward to the winter because I can shave my legs and chest without being paranoid about it.

Even though there are straight guys that shave their legs and/or chest, I’m still a bit paranoid of the comments that would arise if I wore shorts with razor stubble visible.

So the questions that face me are:

Do I let the hair grow back? (This would keep society happy but would make me itch and knock about 6 points from my “piece of mind scale”)

Do I keep shaving and just not wear shorts and tank tops? (I’d probably look stupid on warm days and sweat my ass off)

Do I say, “screw it” and do what will keep me happier, but may make me miserable in the long run?

I’m sure that many Trans-genders, Transvestites and Metro-sexuals can relate to this dilemma. But for those who are just curious, what would be a simple decision to most people is sometimes a major decision to a Trans-gender who is living a dual life.

  

The Good and Bad about Cutting Back on HRT

Sorry I haven’t posted for a bit, but 2 full time jobs doesn’t leave much time for much else.

OK… so the good and bad:

If I was able, I’d still be full time on HRT, but I had to cut back due to my breasts become larger VERY QUICKLY.

The Bad:

• I felt so much better on full hormones… so much calmer and more feminine.
• My body hair subsided on full hormones, but now it’s coming back faster.
• My legs looked so much better on full hormones.
• I feel more stress now that I cut back.

The Good:

• While on full HRT, I was a lot less vocal about when people and/or companies were taking advantage of me. I’ve always been very vocal of injustices as a “male” but found myself more passive under full HRT.. I’m not, by any means,  saying that woman are less vocal… I’m just saying that the hormones were making me a bit too passive in some situations.

If given a choice, however, I would still be doing full HRT every day.

Be Yourself and Be Happy

Over the last 2 days, I’ve felt SO pretty!

On most days, I embrace my femininity, but am still aware of my male side. I guess most transgenders feel this way. 

Over the past 2 days, however, there wasn't one moment where I didn't feel like 100% woman. It felt liberating, so good, so right, and so calming.

The funny thing is… I was working! If you read the earlier posts, you already realized that means no heels, no make-up (I didn’t even shave), yet I felt more feminine and happy than I've felt in a very long time.

Sometimes… knowing and truly embracing your inner feminine side can be more fulfilling than looking feminine on the outside.

D

      

Finding a woman, who wants a man, who wants to be a woman?

I realized long ago that, although I’m happier when in a relationship with another woman, I’m also made miserable by the fact that I’m unable to be my true self.

That being said, I’d rather be alone than lonely in love… so I chose to be alone until I find someone that will accept me for who I truly am and not what they want me to be.

Although I’m glad I made that decision, it kind of sucks when you have a great day and want to share it with someone…  but there’s no one there.

Or you could use a shoulder to cry on… but…

How do you find a woman, who wants a man, who wants to be a woman?

Winter... The Silver Lining

Although I'm not a big winter fan... I do love winter fashions!

The biggest "silver linings" I've found to the cold weather include going for long walks in the snow, wearing  ANYTHING you want under your "societable acceptable clothes", fuzzy socks, soft sweaters, and the comfy feeling that get when you're wearing a cute sweater dress.

 

   

Thank You and Please say "Hi"

Wow!

When I created this blog I didn't expect the hundreds of views that I have received in the first month alone!

If you found this blog to be somewhat helpful, please let me know by dropping me an email at deedee_burke@ymail.com. If you want me to post more, or post on different topics that may help you, I'll  gladly find the time to do so.

D

Trans-gender and Transsexual Online Shopping

Over the years, I have collected hundreds of outfits. I love searching for great bargains online and there's nothing better than coming home and receiving a "present" in your mailbox!

It's very frustrating, however, if you receive something that's not what you ordered, the wrong size, poor quality or doesn't ever show up. These are my recommendations for the best and worst places to shop online:

BEST ONLINE STORES

http://www.forever21.com

• Great Quality
• Great fit
• Great Descriptions
• Low prices
• Low Shipping

http://www.10dollarmall.com

• $10 or less
• Good quality
• Great fit
• Great Descriptions
• Low Shipping

http://www.beallsflorida.com

• If you find a cute Junior's outfit, go to Bealls and check their price on the same item. It's sometimes a lot less!

http://www.lightinthebox.com

• Really nice Wigs
• Fast shipping
• Decent pricing

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OK STORES

http://15dollarstore.com

• Good quality
• Great fit
• Great Descriptions
• Low Shipping

http://1015store.com

• Small selection but decent Descriptions & Shipping

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AVOID THESE STORES !!!

Kmart

• Poor quality
• Poor sizing
• Not as shown
• cart pricing problems
• Bad descriptions
• High shipping

Walmart

• Poor quality
• Bad descriptions

Sears

• Bad descriptions
• High shipping

http://www.599fashion.com

• Crap quality 
• Poor sizing

http://www.superbeautydepot.com - discount human hair wigs

• Really poor customer support 
• 5 weeks without a reply to when and IF my wigs shipped
• 1 Wig (that showed in stock) NEVER SHIPPED and they didn't notify me of the cancellation, charged me for it and didn't credit my card back until I contacted them a month later!

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My favorite stores that went away :(

I really miss Newport News and Shadowline Longerea. Great Quality
 

Trans-gender Photos Dilemmas

To Post or Not:
Throughout the years, I have taken photos of myself so I could gauge the changes in my makeovers and more recently, my transition. I recently posted a few of them online as a showing of solidarity... and I’ll admit… a bit out of pride for how I thought I looked in them.

As much as I appreciated being "added as a favorite" on flicker and some of the nice comments, I quickly felt bad about posting them and took them down.  The reasoning may seem weird to some, but maybe others may relate...

I have, for years, always kept my favorite pictures with me throughout the day. If I get too depressed (or too stressed), I’d look at them and cheer myself up. After I began posting my favorite pictures, that all changed. I began to feel more stressed than rejuvenated when I'd look at the photos. I kept thinking about how many times they were reposted on the Internet, who may be “getting off on them” and/or if anyone I know would recognize me. I’m sure that may have happened to a few of you out there! That being said, I removed some and the others are now “friends only”.

It really got me wondering though, about if other TGs fear that their pictures may come back to haunt them after the transition (i.e, a prospective employer looking online before they hire you).

Another Dilemma:
I'm SO tempted to show a few of the pictures on my cell phone (the favorite pics that mentioned above) to friends who don't yet know about the real me... I'd REALLY like to show them how good they came out and get their opinion on them , but don't want to freak them out!

I guess I'm also hoping that if showed them a picture of "the real me" BEFORE I actually have "the talk" with them, it may some how lessen the blow?

Lately, I've been trying to drop hints and/or open vague conversations about transgenders to some friends and some family members to try and gauge what their reaction would be... Hopefully, I will find a few of them who I will feel comfortable to come out to.

This is an very exciting but very scary part of my life and it would be so much easier if I knew there are some people in my immediate circle who are willing to accept me as I am and encourage me along the way.

D

Trans-gender About Going Out

I have been doing a lot of thought lately to going out dressed in "full girlie mode" and started looking at TG friendly clubs. It's a safer alternative for now.

I got a lot of good tips on where to go and worked out the logistics of getting dolled up and going out without the neighbors starting rumors (yeah I still have that fear).

It finally dawned on me, however, that it's not that I want to go out clubbing as a woman... I just want to be able to go out anywhere I want in full girlie mode (shopping, the park... anywhere and everywhere). Although I wouldn't mind going to a TG friendly club, I want to be able to go to ANY club... or anywhere... knowing that I'm dressed and looking my best.

I guess I need to get over my fears and concerns about what other people may think. I know who I am... like who I am... and I need to accept that if other people have a problem with that... that it's their problem and not mine.

D

Tomboy Tomgirl

OK... I always found dress codes unfair.

• Why is it that when girls wear guys clothes it's OK (they are just dressing as tomboys) but when guys wear women's clothes in public, it's taboo, laughed at and ridiculed?
• Why can women wear a skirt to work, but guys can't even wear shorts?

I love heels. I have always felt more confident when I wear them. I really want to be able to wear them to work but it's not only against the dress code for guys to wear heels, it also would get me fired for "being a freak".

So unfair!