Last night I was afraid… very afraid. I’m a pretty kick-ass
chick and it takes a lot to get me afraid. Case in point, even though I’ve had
a gun held to my head in the past, I’ve NEVER been afraid of dying… but since
working in a nursing home, I’m petrified of ever winding up in a nursing home.
That being said, I had a REALLY bad year (thus the lack of
posting). I had to deal with my father’s death, which, although we weren’t ever
close, it forced me to realize my mortality and the aspect that my days are
numbered… If I’m going to finally be free to be me, I need to make the changes
NOW.
I decided that I need to be me… and find a more transgender
friendly facility to work at.
I did. Although the management was clueless and corporate
red tape was incredibly stressful to deal with, they did accept me for who I
was… tweezed eyebrow and all.
The residents and staff LOVED what I was doing for the
facility… The managers welcomed my ideas… but unfortunately, I had a Born-again
Christian working under me who hated me from day one because I was “a
freak of nature”.
As the residents loved her, I bit my tongue, walked on eggshells, and
never wrote her up for the multiple occasions where she yelled at me (her boss) or
refused to do what I asked.
By putting the wishes of others before my own, I put myself through hell. She began to constantly make claims that were untrue to get me fired... and last week... I muttered a swear word under my breath and she went to the Executive
Director and claimed I abused the residents by swearing to them. I was
immediately suspended pending investigation (as is corporate procedure).
The following day, I was called back to the facility. I was
told that I was cleared in the investigation (no residents heard me swear);
however the regional HR person suggested that my employment should be
terminated anyway. It is my assumption that where the company has a “no
retribution policy” to anyone who reports an alleged abuse and I was the direct
supervisor of that employee; it would be in the best interest of the company to
end my employment.
It’s been a week and I’ve had nightmares ever night since. I
love the position and making the lives of the residents worthwhile… and can’t
afford the income loss. Do I beg to get my job back? Last night it all came to
a head and I was petrified of what “may become” of losing this job... and I was very afraid.
When I woke this morning, I did some heavy soul-searching
and realized that even though I was helping others, the job was killing me…
both mentally and physically. 7 years of added stress and biting my tongue has led to
increased drinking and recently, chain smoking… which today (along with the stress of
loosing my job and the added stress of wondering what I should do for a new career) led to a mini-heart attack.
Believe it or not, I was not afraid when it happened. It only strengthened my resolve... and made my decision clear. I REFUSE to die miserable. I may lose my house, but I need to stay firm
and attempt to find a job where I can be who I really am… and hopefully won’t
be falsely accused and fired for being who I am.There HAS to be some positive Karma coming my way!
Please send a few positive thoughts my way... Every comment... and every positive thought... helps me make it through each day.
Be you...
I'm positive that someday we all will be happy...
